Who Really Died In A Car Crash?
by Bloodlustful
Summary: Unhappy that the Dursleys never got theirs in "Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows"? Well, if so, then is this ever the story for you! What, exactly, happened when the Dursleys were driven away from their home in that car? We aren't shown in the book, so we'll never know for sure, but if I had my way...well, you'll see.


I have returned, and although I only have time to write a simple kind of story, which means I don't have time to finish my "Freddy Krueger's Otherworldly Trips" story, sadly, I do have time to make it so that the rotten family in the "Harry Potter" franchise known as the Dursleys get what-for like they should have in the final book of that series.

Why the fuck J.K. Rowling didn't have them killed the fuck off in full, I've no clue, just like I've no clue as to why the fuck she didn't kill off Dolores Umbridge before she killed off Bellatrix and Voldemort, as opposed to just giving her a life sentence in Askaban after they were killed.

The two top Death Eaters deserved their nasty deaths, sure enough, but Umbridge deserved a just as nasty, if not nastier, death, as well.

Truly, I'm glad I'm here to, at least as far as "Harry Potter" fanfiction is concerned, fix the problem, and so it will be that the ride that Dedalus Diggle and Hestia Jones give to the Dursleys to get them away from the aforementioned Voldemort and all of his Death Eater followers, which was never seen beyond when the hell the Dursleys left, is going to be looked at further.

As in, the way that all three treated Harry, ESPECIALLY Vernon, makes it so that they are really going to get it, and in a way most ironic yet fitting, as the title might indicate, given what lie was given to Harry about his parents' deaths in the first book.

Although, I will not ignore how Dudley became sorry for how he was so cruel to Harry in the end, nor that Petunia, while of course worse than him, as evidenced by the fact that she almost wished Harry luck but then changed her mind, as opposed to Dudley shaking his hand and saying "I don't think you're a waste of space.", did cry briefly.

But they are both still awful people, especially Petunia, given her personality in general, and, naturally, Vernon, the worst of them all, who almost shook Harry's hand before leaving but then changed his mind at the last second, thinking only of himself and how he and his family were being saved(but mostly of himself), is someone who, again, ESPECIALLY, has a horrid, nasty fate in his near future for how the hell he treated Harry and for what the fuck he's like in general.

That said, we're going to look at their trip away from the threat of Voldemort and what will happen in it, and make no mistake, there is no describing how much satisfaction anyone and everyone who fucking hates the Dursleys will goddamn get the fuck out of this.

Read on!

THINGS TO NOTE:

Not only is this something I would write at one time or the other, anyway, but it is also to fulfill a request given to me by Bold Suggestion, and I can see why he would want it, as I think that it would be a great idea, too.

This takes place, as has been made clear before, during the ride that the Dursleys are taking in the car driven by Dedalus Diggle and Hestia Jones from The Order Of The Phoenix.

While this story does not concern the end of "Harry Potter And The Death Hallows", I just wanted to give a quick reminder that, as far as I'm concerned, there is NO EPILOGUE WHATSOEVER after the end of the general book and the story thereof(much like is the case with so many others, and for damn good reason).

Speaking of the end, this modified version of the part of the book where the Dursleys leave takes place in the same timeline as the "Undoing Umbridge" fanfic does, although I own none of the characters or the story, as they all belong to the "Harry Potter" franchise and therefore to J.K. Rowling, but I just wanted to let that be known, since I figured I might as well make it that way as so to make it simple, and so that you'll get to see a certain other three baddies in hell at the end of the story as a result, too.

Who Really Died In A Car Crash?

After leaving their longtime home, being driven away from the infamous Lord Voldemort and all of the other Death Eaters, via a ride in the car from Order Of The Phoenix members Heista Jones and Dedalus Diggle, Vernon and Petunia Dursley, as well as their son Dudley, had, upon Dedalus and Heista meeting them, taken none too long to reveal how the hell fucking unpleasant and unlikable they were to their helpers.

Dedalus had previously attempted to make conversation to this, and Heista was very angry indeed upon finding out what the three of them were like, though Vernon was by far the worst of the lot, as she and Dedalus could both very plainly tell, and easily so.

After all, Dudley had at least been kind enough to shake Harry's hand goodbye, and Petunia had burst into tears upon seeing this, wanting to wish Harry luck while bidding him farewell, but choosing not to do so nonetheless.

Vernon, however, unlike Dudley, who had both shaken Harry's hand and, to some extent, actually felt fondness towards him, and unlike Petunia, who wanted to wish him luck but didn't, not only did no more than almost shake Harry's hand, but he changed his mind at the last second, all because he hated Harry and hated magic, as well, concerning Harry or otherwise.

And let's not forget that he was almost exclusively focused on his own wellbeing when he, his wife and his son got into the car, the other two Dursleys being the only ones who he thought of the wellbeing of outside of himself, and even then, it was only partly(not to mention only to a small extent, at that).

So…both members of the Order Of The Phoenix found them none too desirable, least of all Vernon, and just as they both agreed that neither would talk to any of them, regardless of how much or how little they talked to each other and/or the Dursleys would talk to one another, so they agreed that, by the time they'd gotten them to their destination, it would be wonderful to never have to see them again.

After a while of driving them away, there was an sudden and unexpected occurrence, and not a good one by any means or any stretch of the imagination at all.

See, a car came zooming by from behind them, and, since that meant that the Order Of The Phoenix members' car had to be swerved aside in order to avoid it, it was none too fortunate, at least for the Dursleys, anyway, that they just happened to be near a giant forest that was at the side of the region of the road that they were currently on.

Said swerving caused the car to accidentally crash into a very, very, very thick tree, indeed, and since it was so thick, and tall and solid as hell, as well, for that matter, it was only too clear that the two Order Of The Phoenix members had no choice but to use their magic to teleport themselves and the Dursleys out of there.

Problem was, they only had time to get themselves out of the car, as they would find out to their surprise when they cast their teleportation spells, thanks to how they saw that none of the Dursleys were out of the car next to them.

This was because, in three different ways, the Dursleys had gotten out of the car thanks to the crash causing them to die in three different ways and indeed a unique way apiece that also made them be thrown out of it.

Dudley died the fastest and felt the least pain, as he might have been bound for hell like the other two, but since he at least showed enough good in him to be, well, good to Harry to some extent in the end and how horrible he became was most definitely thanks to being so badly poisoned and spoiled by his parents, particularly his father, so he simply hit his head hard enough on the roof so that he was knocked unconscious and the impact with which the car had hit the three caused him to fly out the door after his seatbelt snapped and his body hit it hard enough to make it fall off and finish him off as he sailed down into another thick tree, also hitting his head, which ensured that he would never wake up due to a fatally broken neck and very shattered skull.

Then there was Petunia, who would spend her final moments in agony as she had been knocked out of the other side of the car upon the impact making her seatbelt snap, as well, and making her body hit the door hard enough to cause it to be brought off, but the way that she died was that she, attempting to try and save herself via twisting her body, ironically sealed her own fate by said twisting causing her to fall on her back where a big, round, hard rock that was firmly in and indeed part of the ground just happened to be, and it broke her back so badly that she was helpless to do shit as a sharp branch from the tree, which was dislodged thanks to how hard the car had hit it and where the car had hit it, fell the fuck down and impaled her through the heart, killing her instantly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! E-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she screamed during it all, but she, like her son, was lucky compared to her husband despite how the hell all three were going to, well, hell(though she felt noticeably more pain than her son, since she almost said something kind and thoughtful to Harry, but decided not to, and as such, deserved more pain than Dudley despite how she wouldn't feel as much as Vernon, and thanks to something that was her own damn fault, no less, but still).

Now, as to why the hell Dudley and Petunia were so fucking lucky compared to Vernon, albeit on two different levels…when HE went flying after his belt snapped thanks to the crash, it wasn't out one of the doors that got dislodged like was the case with opposite sides that first his son and then his wife went.

Oh, dear me God, no.

It was easily him who felt the most pain and died in the most disgusting way, kind of like he was the worst of the Dursleys and the one who had treated Harry the worst, which is saying a lot, given how horrifically his wife and his son had treated Harry, and knowing what kind of personalities the both of them had when they hadn't yet been killed like he was about to be.

First, he was flying towards the windshield, and though he tried to stop himself from hitting it by reaching out to opposite sides, it did nothing but not only make him hit it so hard that he was shredded horrendously, but said lacerating actually started early on when he only succeeded in getting his forearms cut open by the window he tried to use his stop himself from flying out in terms of his left out and the aforementioned windshield in terms of the right one immediately thereafter, just like what the fuck was the case with the rest of his body when the latter happened.

He landed on the ground, right upon his back, and he took about fifteen seconds to bleed to death despite how the left window of the car was now broken and covered in blood along with the windshield, and as his blood flooded into the grass, he was, just as had been the case with when he was flying out and ironically got his right forearm and the hand thereon cut by an act of his own doing thanks to how the effect was the opposite of what the hell he was hoping for, letting loose the following noises.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! E-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEE-RAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

When they finally died down, it was because he had downright died, and once he had, Dudley and Petunia had been dead for almost a minute, although Dudley had been dead a bit longer than his mother for obvious reasons.

Dedalus and Heista looked at all that had just happened in silence briefly, and the former then said: "Oh, dear, dear. This was not supposed to happen at all."

"No, of course it wasn't." Heista said, nodding. "The problems this will cause are countless. Furthermore, awful people or not, they did not deserve to die, especially in a way like this."

Dedalus nodded and agreed: "And let's not forget that what has happened may well put quite a few lives in danger, though in the long run rather than immediately, and even if it doesn't, the Order Of The Phoenix is going to have a lot to deal with thanks to this."

Heista then told him: "We must do what we can to find our way around and reduce the chances of what we dread and what could lead to God only knows how much danger one way or the other, for one reason or another, though that may be hard to do."

"But we have to try." Dedalus stated, but now we go back to the Dursleys, now that they're dead and that's our fucking focus here.

Okay, so now they were all in hell, right, and had indeed plummeted the fuck down into the dystopian, underground place of eternal damnation, but like was the case with how the hell each one died, their punishment would be according to how high their levels of awfulness were when they were alive.

Here, I'll be nice and specific…as soon as they had landed on the burning hot brimstone ground of hell, they saw Satan appear and he said: "Well, it would appear we have new arrivals! The Dursleys, isn't that right? Dudley, Petunia and, oh, but of course, Vernon. You've all been VERY bad, although to varying degrees of magnitude. And so it will be that your punishments will be on different levels. First, Dudley…you were so gluttonous for most of your life, and yet stopped being that way eventually and became less bad. Still, the amount of badness you showed and the amount of time in which you were such a glutton makes you more than eligible of the punishment that we present here in hell for gluttony…and that's being force-fed rats, toads and snakes."

Dudley was subsequently taken a hold of by numerous demons and ghouls and pushed into a giant chair of Satan's own making, pentagram on the back of it and all, and chained down to it, with the chair itself creating the aforementioned rats, toads and snakes that Dudley was to be force-fed with."

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" Dudley let loose as he was force-fed, and Satan said: "Now, in order for this to continue, what you've been force-fed when you're full will have to be burned the fuck up, so it will be…by the hellfire you'll be burned with every time you've become full, both on the outside, and on the inside, and while this is a version of this punishment that is most severe even for what the hell it is, which is saying something, to be sure, you can be sure of it that you'll have it better than your parents."

He, after he suddenly paused Dudley's force-feeding, much to Dudley's surprise and confusion, looked at Petunia and said, as he had his demons and ghouls bring forth a giant vat of freezing cold ice water, the words you'll read below.

"First, there's mother dearest, who, due to how the fuck she hated magic and the like and was hardened so badly out of, ironically, envy concerning that magic, given that she could never be a member of Hogwarts due to being non-magical, which led to her hating Harry Potter and spoiling you, it is only too clear that her punishment is going to be that she'll be freezing cold for the rest of eternity as we place her in this giant vat of well below zero temperature water. That she was so cold towards Harry and in general, the fact that she showed, to a small extent, a better side of her in the end, and near her end along with yours and her husband's, for that matter, notwithstanding, this fits her only too well and there's quite the irony here that will actually, in a way, show her to be more fortunate than one could possibly believe, especially her."

As the demons and ghouls grabbed a hold of Petunia and hurled her into the freezing cold water, in which she was forever submerged and tortured by the bitter cold of in a way that made her feel like hundreds of knives were being stuck into her all at once, Petunia screeched the fuck out: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" from all of that freezing coldness, but Satan then turned to Vernon and informed Dudley of the following, in a way that made sure of it that Petunia heard it, even through the ice water she was in, as well.

Just after Dudley let out: "MOM!" Satan pointed at Vernon and let Dudley know: "As he is arrogant and wrathful and therefore guilty of pride and indeed wrath, one would expect that he would be broken over a wheel and dismembered alive at the same time. Not so. He isn't that lucky. For, you see, given that the fatass fucker was both of those things and plenty else in life, none of it good, and knowing how he abused Harry the most and spoiled you just as badly as your mother, despite how the latter is plenty comparable to him in the former case, along with how he barely cared about even either of you enough to give a damn about your wellbeing or hers, plus of course caring about no one but himself outside of that, it would be hard to find a suitable punishment for the likes of him."

Dudley opened his eyes widely and gasped: "What…what are you…you going to…to do to my dad?"

"Simple, really." Satan replied. "For hard is not the same as impossible, and here is what will prove best as his eternal punishment here in hell."

First, the demons and ghouls created a special whip apiece to both, well, whip and ensnare Vernon, who went out: "OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWGGGGGGGHHHH!" as it happened, and then they created a special pentagram that, after he was pulled over close enough for it to happen, he was forced onto and stuck on fully, with his arms and legs out to opposite tops of the upper points of it and opposite bottoms of the lower points of it, respectively, head down on the central bottom of the top point and torso down on the true center of it.

"His hatred of magic will make it so that, at the same time as being engulfed in flames perpetually, he will be cast various spells upon, all of them horrible ones that do horrible things to him. Some are manipulation of his soul's state, such as turning him into a version of himself which is far fatter than he already is, which is quite a statement, indeed, to be sure, or, alternatively, a really skinny version of himself, with heart attack pain being caused in the former case and hunger pains being caused in the latter case, of course. Others consist of turning him into something else, each and every one of them awful to one degree or another, until turning him back into his real form for further spells, such as hallucinations of the Death Eaters being all around him along with evil versions of his nephew and his friends, all of whom are saying scary, menacing, evil and threatening things to him that will scare him shitless. Still more are spells that will make it clear to him just how wonderfully Harry and all of his friends are doing once the time comes that they are, and that time WILL come, by the way. And these are just FOUR examples of the many. The pentagram will create sharp hooklike things around its solid parts to dig into him endlessly, as well. So, as he is by far the worst of you Dursleys, he will get by far the worst of the punishments that you three receive."

"DAD! NO!" Dudley cried out as he saw it all happen, with Vernon screaming as loud as it was possible for him to scream.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NYAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! EEEEEEEEE-RAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAA! EEE-RAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAA-AAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAARRRRHHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! EEEE-EEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEE-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Those were some of the many noises of agony and fear that could be heard the fuck out of him, and Satan said: "Okay, big boy, now it's time for your punishment to start up again and never end. Ironically, you always did like meat a lot better than you did vegetables, so maybe there'll be a time or two when this doesn't seem so bad, though that feeling will quickly vanish in such instances. Eat up, kid!"

"NOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" Dudley went out once more as his eternal force-feeding resumed, and soon enough, he was stuffed, so it was time for him to be burned inside and out, which he was and just as he let out a screech out: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he heard his father get nailed with a spell that tossed him into a nearby pit of lava, which he was burned horribly in, only to be brought back up to where he'd been before and get other awful spells cast on him.

"So here you are all in hell together!" Satan smiled. "One not so big, far from happy tortured family! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

Much later on, it would be that the very Death Eaters who they were being driven away and protected from prior to that car crash, Voldemort or otherwise, would join them in hell and be subject to even worse tortures than they were, and that's saying a lot, with it being that Bellatrix Lestrange got the third worst of the top three worst, Voldemort the second worst of them and Dolores Umbridge the worst of them, which was ironic both because of how the hell they were the reason they got into the car in the first place and because Harry was, until Hagrid showed up when he was eleven, made to believe his mother died in a car crash when, in reality, the now twice aforementioned Voldemort killed her.

In the meantime, though, the Dursleys were just getting what they'd had coming to them for only too long, particularly Vernon, and it was a wonderful fact that would never stop being wonderful before or after the Death Eaters who got killed entered hell, their punishments being a delightful as hell thing, as well.

THE END

Wasn't that awesome, to see the Dursleys get theirs, especially that fat bastard Vernon?

I do hope that this was as good as both I was hoping it to be and as enjoyable as Bold Suggestion wanted it to be.

Hell, I myself hate the Dursleys, and always have, just like what the hell is the fucking case with so motherfucking many.

Really, Rowling, not killing them or Umbridge, while letting Hedwig and Fred Weasley be killed, in this final book(and those are just a few of the things that I can castigate you for, death related or otherwise)?

Come the fuck on!

Anyway, like I said, I hope that you all liked it, especially you, Bold Suggestion, and I would like ratings and reviews, as well, please!


End file.
